Sex Before Marriage: Why Doesn’t My Partner Want To?

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Posted: October 22, 2020

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

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premarital dating

“My partner doesn’t want to have sex before marriage because I think she doesn’t enjoy sex.“

Read more to find out what relationship expert Josh Spurlock has to say about saving sex for marriage!

CASSIE

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

JOSH SPURLOCK ON SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE

Welcome to MyCounselor Online. I’m Josh Spurlock and this is Asking For a Friend.

Today, I’m answering Michael’s question. Michael says, “My partner doesn’t want to have sex before marriage because I think she doesn’t enjoy sex.”

NEGATIVE SEXUAL EXPERIENCES AFFECT SEXUAL DESIRE

Well that’s possible, Michael, that sometimes people have had negative sexual experiences or have not had good positive education about sexuality, in a way that has created a negative expectation around sex, or what we’d call a sexual aversion, something that caused them to desire to avoid connecting sexually because of negative stuff that it stirs up for them.

But that’s not the only possibility.

GOD’S DESIGN FOR SEX

Sometimes folks have a desire to guard and protect marriage with the belief that God’s design for marriage is that it would happen inside of the marriage relationship, that sex is designed to bring a husband and wife closer and create connection between them and to reveal the kind of relationship that God wants to have with all people.

Because of the sacred nature of sex as part of God’s design, they want to preserve that and save that for their marriage relationship.

And so maybe that’s a conversation that you and your partner should have, about what are those things about for her as to why she’s inclined not to engage and connect sexually prior to marriage.

Hope that’s helpful to you, Michael. If you have a question that you want to be answered by one of our counselors, submit it here!

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This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

About the Author
Josh Spurlock
Josh Spurlock

Josh Spurlock MA, LPC, CST, has a BA in Biblical Languages and a Masters in Counseling. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), holding licenses in MissouriColorado, and Florida. He is also a Certified Sex Therapist (CST), Level 2 AEDP Therapist, and an Ordained Minister. He is an Advanced Practice Clinician, with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. He specializes in Marriage Counseling, Sex Therapy, Family Counseling, and works with Executives, Pastors, Business Owners, and Ministry Leaders. Learn more about Josh Spurlock at JoshSpurlock.com.

Josh is currently unable to take on any new clients.

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