Christian Therapist Josh Spurlock discusses how busyness can kill a sex life, and shares his perspective on New Year's Resolutions.
• Location(s): Online
• Rate: $195/per session
Get To Know Josh
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Online Video Therapy
MyCounselor.Online has offices in multiple cities. As the Director I travel frequently between them, so much of my therapy is done online through our video counseling platform. This lets me connect with you for our sessions, no matter what city I’m in that week.
Most people are weirded out about the idea of doing video counseling. My clients were too, but they say after about 15 minutes or so into our first video session they get used to it. Then it’s pretty much the same as meeting with me in person. We work on the things they’ve come to me for help with and we make progress towards their goals.
I expect that your experience will be much the same. If it’s not and after our first session you don’t want to continue with our online video sessions I’ll be happy to refund you all your fees and try to help you connect with a counselor you can meet with in person.
Christianity is not just my personal faith, it’s an integrated part of my therapy. I don’t cram my faith down anybody’s throat, but my understanding of how the world works comes from the Bible, which influences every aspect of my counseling. Sometimes we talk about specific Bible passages and pray in session, sometimes we don’t. It really depends on what we are working on and how comfortable my client is with Christian spirituality.
In Bible college I studied Biblical languages (3 years of Greek, 2 years of Hebrew) because I wanted to deeply understand the Scriptures and how they apply to people’s situations. I believe the word of God applied to the heart by the Holy Spirit has the power to transform lives. Good Christian counseling doesn’t separate the spiritual and the practical, it integrates them.
In this way Christian counseling is a form of discipleship that is highly focused on specific struggles a person is having. The discipler (i.e. the counselor) is specially trained to come along side individuals facing significant challenges and use the best practices of the helping professions to guide them through. Throughout the entire process the counselor is dependent on the leading and empowerment of the Holy Spirit to bring about healing.
If you’re married, no relationship in your life has more influence over your quality of life than the one with your spouse. It’s been said, and I believe it’s true, a good marriage divides life’s troubles in half, a bad one multiplies them. If you’ve experienced either categories, you know what I mean.
I’ve been fortunate to have a pretty amazing marriage. We’ve had our share of struggles, mainly because my wife married a dirty rotten sinner (me). As He does, God has used my marriage to challenge my immaturity and grow me increasingly into His image. I’ve seen the same in my wife. In therapy, I bring together my own personal experiences in marriage with my training and thousands of hours spent helping couples. What results is a very personal approach where I get into the trenches with you to figure out what’s not working and how to make things better.
These are just a few of the common struggles couples come to me with:
Communication - It seems like such a simple thing, but talking to each other about emotionally charged subjects isn’t easy. Most of us never had an emotional communication 101 class in Highschool. So, unless your parents were just awesome emotional communicators and modeled this for you – you didn’t learn the skills. That was certainly the case for me and the impact on my marriage was HUGE! We fought terribly early in our marriage. Fortunately, communication is a skill and it can be learned. If you’re willing to put forth the effort you, like me, can learn how to communicate through conflict in a way that actually brings you closer to each other.
Affair Recovery – Betrayal by a spouse is one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through. Figuring out what to do means having to answer some very emotionally complicated questions. The decision to reconcile or divorce is one that effects the rest of your life and everyone in your family. It’s not an easy decision to make or follow through with, either way. I help couples and individuals work through the questions to decide what they want to do. Then I help them do it. Along the way we learn how to heal and move forward with our life, together or apart. This is true with all kinds of infidelity, porn and sex addiction, emotional relationships, as well as sexual affairs.
Sex therapist? Who…me? You’re out of your mind. – That’s what I would have said in Bible college if you had told me I would one day be a sex therapist. The picture in my head of sex therapists was very creepy.
It wasn’t until an internship in graduate school, with a marriage counselor that happened to also be a sex therapist, that my eyes began to open to the incredible need in the body of Christ. It broke my heart to see lots of hurting couples struggling for years with things that were completely treatable – because they didn’t know where to turn to for help.
Couples usually enter marriage expecting sex to come easily. Sometimes it does, often it doesn’t. As a Christian, who do you talk to about sexual difficulties you’re having in your marriage? Who can you turn to for reliable information that isn’t just based on one person’s experience?
Common sex therapy topics I help couples with:
Desire Differences – In 4 out of 5 marriages husbands have a desire for higher frequency of sexual connection than their wives. In 1 out 5 relationships the wives desire is higher than the husbands. In nearly 100% of marriages the frequency desire is different between spouses – leading to conflict and feelings of rejection. Helping couples navigate these differences in ways that feel good to them both is part of what I do. This is sometimes referred to as treating low-sexual desire.
Anorgasmia – When a woman doesn’t experience orgasm or finds it very difficult to experience orgasm when connecting sexually. This is a big problem, that often leads to low-sexual desire for the simple reason that we don’t desire to do that which we don’t enjoy. Often when a couple comes to me because the wife has low-sexual desire we identify that at least part of the problem is that she isn’t experiencing very much sexual pleasure during the experiences. So why would she desire sex? If we can fix that, often times that helps resolve other difficulties they might be having.
Pain – Healthy people don’t desire real pain. So if you experience pain during sex – chances are you’re not going to desire sex. There’s a variety of reasons you might experience pain during sex, but all of them significantly interfere with a healthy sexual relationship. I help women troubleshoot why they are experiencing pain and develop a treatment plan that gets them to really enjoyable sex.
Trauma: Rape, Molestation, Abuse – If you’re a survivor of sexual trauma of any sort this significantly impacts the way you think and feel about sex. It is likely you find it difficult to experience sex with your spouse as a good thing. I can help you change that.
Religious Aversions – Sometimes we get the message growing up that sex is dirty and sexual feelings are unholy. Even if in our “head” we know that isn’t true, our emotions and body still believe it. This shuts-down our desire and disconnects us from our God designed sexuality. Often it also leads us to feeling guilty about our lack of desire for our husbands. So if we do have sex with them, it’s duty sex – which isn’t all that great for either of you. This too is treatable.
Relationship Conflict – Believe it or not, if you don’t like your spouse you probably wont want to have sex with them. Sometimes the sexual difficulties a couple is having relate to the quality of their relationship. If there are trust issues, communication difficulties, unresolved conflict, etc. these will get in the way of a good sexual connection. We can address them to clear the way to a passionate love life.
Same-Sex Attraction & Gender Dysphoria – The issues surrounding same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria are widely misunderstood. The confusion, fear, and anxiety that surround the experiences are pretty overwhelming. It’s my privilege to help individuals, spouses, and parents trying to figure out what’s going on. I use the sexual identity therapy framework I learned from Mark Yarhouse to help navigate these struggles.
I don’t do a lot of family counseling, mainly because there are other people on the team that are a lot better at it than me. Sometimes though parents are referred to me because of my and Cassie’s personal experiences.
Early in our marriage, before we even had biological children, Cassie and I began fostering children of all ages. At the time I was in grad school for counseling and working full time for the Missouri Division of Youth Services (where teens who get in trouble with the law in MO go for treatment instead of kiddie prison as in other states).
Over the years we found our niche working with older girls (12-18) because not many families were willing to take them in. Of the 70+ kids we have fostered over the years, we’ve adopted 5. Add in our 4 biological children and we have 9 all together ranging in age from 3-26 (circa 2018), plus 4 and counting grand children.
We very personally understand the unique challenges foster and adoptive parents face. If I can be helpful to you navigating these difficult waters of parenting and marriage, it would be my honor to do so.
Executives, Pastors, Business Owners, and Ministry Leaders
As a serial entrepreneur I have started and built multiple companies and non-profits. So I have personal experience with the unique challenges leading an organization poses to the individual, their family, and marriage.
I really enjoy helping fellow leaders learn from my personal experiences as well as those of the many others I have worked with over the years. I want you to not only successfully lead your organization – but also enjoy your life, avoid the common pitfalls of leadership, feel fulfilled in your purpose, and have healthy relationships with your spouse, kids, friends, and colleagues. It’s not easy to balance it all, but it can be done.
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You can schedule a Christian Counseling session with Josh online via MyDevice video sessions. Sessions are available Monday-Friday 9am-9pm.