MyCounselor Says: Oral Sex Freaks Me Out?

Josh Spurlock

Question:

“I’m a female and married but oral sex freaks me out. How do I overcome this so I can be uninhibited in the bedroom”

Read more to find out what relationship expert Josh Spurlock has to say about becoming more uninhibited so you can feel comfortable exploring oral sex!

About the Author

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapists with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. Josh specializes in Marriage Counseling and Sex Therapy. You can schedule an appointment with Josh for online counseling.

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)

Cassie

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and today one of our awesome counselors is going to answer your question. So let’s go find out what MyCounselor Says.

Josh Spurlock on Inhibition around Oral Sex

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Josh Spurlock and this is asking for a friend. Today we’re answering Renee’s question. Renee says, “I’m a female and married but oral sex freaks me out. How do I overcome this so I can be uninhibited in the bedroom?”

Well, Renee, I’d say that you’re not the only one out there, that there’s a lot of gals that have intimidation and fear and anxiety around oral sex yet still an interest in exploring that. But they just don’t know where to begin working through the inhibitions that are related to that.

So I first say that there’s a lot of different things that can create inhibition around this subject. And so there’s not going to be one solution that fixes all or addresses all.

Because there’s just different sources for the anxiety that you might be experiencing. So we’re going to talk a little bit about how you might go about experimenting with oral sex in a way that might help relieve some of the anxiety and at least give you a direction to begin exploration with.

If this doesn’t do the trick for you, then it’d be worthwhile to connect with a Christian sex therapists and troubleshoot. They can help you figure out what is it that’s getting in the way for you so that you can be uninhibited and enjoy this aspect of your relationship.

Let’s Get Practical

So the first thing that I would recommend that you do is that you get acquainted with your genitals and your spouse’s genitals, which maybe sounds odd. But very often, we haven’t really spent very much time looking at, exploring, and just getting comfortable with those aspects of our bodies or spouse’s body.

So I’d recommend that you start with your own genitals and enjoy a hot bath, clean yourself in a shower, and then use a hand mirror and a diagram just to get familiar with your own body parts so that you can get comfortable with your body. That way you can be comfortable sharing your body with your spouse. Likewise, in either a mutual shower or bath, or after bathing separately, come together and have kind of a clinical set down rather than trying to make it a romantic setting. Make it a show and tell, and just some exploratory thing.

Get familiar with the different parts and textures, sights and feelings of different aspects of each other’s body. This familiarity is going to help to reduce some of the anxiety and angst that you might feel around that.

Dam it

When you’re ready to explore further with oral connection, I’d recommend that you begin with some sort of a barrier, either an oral dam that you can purchase online or from a drugstore. An oral dam is something similar to saran wrap. And in fact, you can use a non-porous saran wrap as a substitute.

If you want to avoid purchasing a oral dam for this purpose, just take a piece of saran wrap, pull out a large square, then you can cover either your spouse’s genitals or your own with that and you can explore with oral stimulation through the saran wrap in a way that creates a little bit of sterility and separation that sometimes can help by reducing some of the anxieties that can be associated with oral sex. As you begin to explore what that might be like, and what that might feel like, as you engage that and get more comfortable with that contact, then you can think about maybe exploring and engaging without the dam in place.

So I hope that’s helpful to you in beginning to explore how you can work through those inhibitions. If you need some more help, reach out to the counselors at My Counselor Online and we’ll be happy to troubleshoot it with you.

Cassie

Thank you for your question! If you’re watching this and you have a question you’d like one of our counselors to answer, you can submit it using our web page and then look for the answer in an upcoming edition of our weekly e-newsletter.

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