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Amy says, “My husband has a porn addiction. How long should I stay in the marriage? He is unwilling to change.” Read more to find out what Licensed Therapist Josh Spurlock says about pornography addiction, and how to move forward in your marriage.

TORI

Welcome to MyCounselor Online. I’m Tori, and this is Asking for a Friend. In this video, we’re sitting down with Licensed Counselor Josh Spurlock to talk about the dangers and reality of pornography addiction, and how to move forward in your marriage. Stay tuned.

Josh Spurlock on When a Spouse is Addicted to Porn

My heart goes out to you. That’s such a painful situation to be in, that your husband, whom you have trusted with your heart and with your body, is going to violating the sanctity of that relationship in a way that’s incredibly excruciating and painful, and then for that to not seem to matter enough to him to change or have things be different. It’s heart wrenching, and so I wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I understand the pain that you’re feeling, as I work with a lot of couples that are navigating those kinds of challenges.

Considering Divorce When a Spouse is Addicted to Porn

There’s not a simple answer to your question in terms of how long should stay in the marriage. There’s a lot of different variables that need to be addressed pertaining to that.

And so I can’t answer that specifically, but I can encourage you to continue to reach out to some different resources that can help you navigate the situation that you’re in, and determine the direction that the Lord would have you go.

Navigating the Decision to Divorce with the Lord

Ultimately, that question is one that you have to work out between you and the Lord. You’re not going to give an account to me or to your husband or to your pastor or anybody else when King Jesus returns. When you have to give an account for your life and the decisions that you made, you’re going to have to give an account to our King.

And so you’re going to have to get comfortable with the answer to that question as you walk before our Lord, ultimately.

Christian Counseling When a Spouse is Addicted to Porn

A Christian counselor can walk with you along this journey, as you can navigate your side of things and figure out how it’s impacting you, and what you need to do about this in terms of your relationship with your spouse, what kind of boundaries are appropriate, what kind of confrontation is appropriate, and would a separation of some sort be called for in order to communicate that breach. That physical representation of separation can match the breach within the relationship that’s creating separation for you on the road towards potentially divorce.

There’s a number of different steps that you can engage in as a spouse, even if your husband’s not willing to enter into the process right now. I don’t want you to feel like you’re powerless or that you are just waiting to see what it is that he’s doing and that the only option that you have is to decide whether or not to divorce or to stay married.

There’s a lot of things that you can engage in and steps to pursue prior to reaching that decision if that’s the decision that needs to be made. So I’d encourage you to engage with somebody that can know the questions to ask to draw out the dynamics of the situation and what might be happening for you guys from there.

They can recommend resources to you that are really tailored to your situation. There are a lot of different resources out there pertaining to this kind of issue, and each of them have their place, but they’re different in terms of the audience that they’re speaking to.

Knowing which resources are the right fit for you is really where some professional guidance comes into play. As professional counselors, we sit with hundreds of different couples facing similar situations and have walked those journeys with them. And so we know which resources are the best fit for which situations. So even if you don’t pursue ongoing counseling, initial counseling can help you assess the situation and give you some direction in terms of which resources are the right fit for your situation, which could be really helpful to you.