MyCounselor Says: I Want More Sex than Him

Josh Spurlock


“I’m one of those rare wives, that seemed to want more sex and their husbands and a lot of the articles that I read around sex therapy really make me feel worse about my situation.”

Read more to find out what relationship expert Josh Spurlock has to say about desire differences within the marriage relationship!

About the Author

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapists with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. Josh specializes in Marriage Counseling and Sex Therapy. You can schedule an appointment with Josh for online counseling.

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)


Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

Josh Spurlock on Desire Differences

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Josh Spurlock and this is asking for friend and this video or answering Robin’s question.

Robin says, “I’m one of those rare wives, that seemed to want more sex and their husbands and a lot of the articles that I read around sex therapy really make me feel worse about my situation.”

What Percent of Couples Experience Desire Differences?

I get that, Robin that a lot of sex therapy articles and sexual information is chiefly written towards the majority. In four out of five couples, the husband is the person with the higher sex drive and when there are desire differences resulting in conflict between them, that is the direction of those challenges. And so a lot of materials are written in that direction.

That means one in five couples 20% or so of couples, it’s the other way around, and that the wives desire exceeds the husband’s, and that creates conflict in the relationship. But if you do the math there, what you find is that 100%,five out of five couples, experience a difference in sexual desire, whether it’s the husband’s higher desire or the wife’s higher desire.

It’s almost non-existent that you have couples that are exactly matched in their desire for frequency of sex. Not to say it never happens, but it’s extremely rare.

And so every couple has to learn how to navigate desire differences, and learn how to work through the challenges in their sexual relationship, whichever direction that’s pointed.

When the Tables are Turned

When it is in the direction of a husband’s difficulty matching his wife’s desire for sex and being responsive and being open, it can be a little bit trickier to troubleshoot because there is just less information out there available around it.

But we do have some good articles on our site (linked below) around when husbands don’t have the same desire for sex as their wives or don’t have a have a low sexual desire. We’ve got some great therapists on our team that can help you guys troubleshoot that and be able to come up with a solution that will feel good to you both.


Thank you so much for submitting that question!  We certainly love to answer your questions. If you have a question for yourself or a friend, you  can submit it using our web page and then look for the answer in an upcoming edition of our weekly e-newsletter.

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