Posted: August 18, 2022
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
The author/counselor Alison Pitts of this article is no longer with MyCounselor; however, wanting to continue to share their expertise on the subject, we would like to cite, credit and thank Alison Pitts for their contributions to our clients.
Very rarely is sexuality discussed in churches, especially in a singles environment. I think it would be helpful to explore what God’s vision for sex is, and what that means for Christians who want to honor God with their sexuality but who are unmarried so we can prevent sexual issues down the road if marriage is in the future.
People who were raised in a Christian home were taught that sex is bad until you get married, then it is good. Because of this general message from the church around sex I usually hear one of two things from the people I work with. I hear that because sex was taught as a bad thing until marriage, that they repressed all sexual urges, and are surprised when they get married and have issues with desire or arousal. The other thing I hear from people who did decide to engage sexually before marriage and now battle through shame and guilt because of their sexual past. Although the messaging from the church around sex is well intentioned, I wonder if we are missing a large piece of God’s message for sexuality.
I think this tension is especially difficult for people who are single in the church. Very rarely is sexuality discussed in churches, especially in a singles environment. I think it would be helpful to explore what God’s vision for sex is, and what that means for Christians who want to honor God with their sexuality but who are unmarried so we can prevent sexual issues down the road if marriage is in the future.
It is important to acknowledge whether you are single or married, God made you as a sexual being with sexual urges. I want to distinguish between sexual desires and sexual lust. The way God designed your body means that you will experience fluctuations in hormones that cause a very physical response called sexual desire. This is normal! Your body is letting you know you are still human! How we manage those urges can either be healthy or unhealthy. Lust happens when you allow your mind to wander in such a way where you desire someone that does not belong to you in a way that does not honor God or that other person.
I can tell what you’re thinking. “What am I supposed to do? If my sexual urges are ok but lust is not, what is that supposed to look like?” Well, I’m glad you asked.
No matter where you are in your journey in understanding yourself as a sexual person, I hope that you stay intentional about God’s heart for sex and about staying in healthy community. Your sexuality is an important part of how God made you, even if you are not yet married. It is not just a light switch you can turn off on when it is convenient; your sexuality is integrated into who you are.
If you need help navigating what that looks like for you, please reach out to me or any of our amazing counselors, and we would be happy to walk alongside you in your journey towards healthy single sexuality.Back to top