Is it sinful to want an orgasm with my spouse? | #mycounselorsays

Josh Spurlock


L says, “I’ve never reached orgasm. Is it okay to want an orgasm with my husband, or is it selfish, vain, shameful, or of the flesh to do so?”

Read more to find out what Josh Spurlock, Christian Counselor and Sex Therapist, says about how God created the orgasm, and designed it so that both spouses would desire and experience orgasms together.

About the Author

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapists with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. Josh specializes in Marriage Counseling and Sex Therapy. You can schedule an appointment with Josh for online counseling.

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)


Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

Josh Spurlock on how God Created the Orgasm

Well, let me tell you that the orgasm was God’s idea. He thought of it. We didn’t come up with it. You didn’t come up with it.

The fact that your body is wired to experience orgasm when connecting sexually with your husband is something that God designed into you. And so, for you to want something that God designed for you is a good thing. We want to validate that and say, if we’re not experiencing an orgasm when we connect sexually, then something’s not working right.

God’s Design is for Both Spouses to Desire & Experience Orgasms Together

God’s design is for you guys to be able to both experience orgasms and to share that together, and for that to be a fun and playful thing that strengthens the connection in your relationship.

And so, if for whatever reason we’re not experiencing that, we can troubleshoot, we can figure out why it’s the case and what can we do about it, to have that be different. So no, it’s not vain, shameful, or of the flesh to desire to have an orgasm with your husband. It’s actually congruent with God’s design for you and His desire for you.


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couple connecting sexually