I’m Not Sexually Attracted to My Spouse | #MyCounselorSays

Josh Spurlock


Taunya says, “My friend is not sexually attracted to her husband, but wants a godly marriage. It doesn’t help that her husband has ED, on top of weight loss issues.”

Read more to find out what Josh Spurlock, Christian Counselor and Sex Therapist, says about God’s design and desire for marriage, and how to overcome obstacles to connection.

About the Author

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapists with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. Josh specializes in Marriage Counseling and Sex Therapy. You can schedule an appointment with Josh for online counseling.

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)


Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

Josh Spurlock on Pursuing God’s Design for Marriage

So, I’m wondering if you’ve had this conversation or been able to talk through these things with your husband. Having a godly life means being able to pursue God’s design and desire for life, in every area of our life. So when it comes to having a godly marriage, it’s about pursuing His design for marriage.

God Desires Marriage to be an Intimate Reflection of Our Relationship with Him

God desires that we would have a close, connected, and intimate relationship, that we would have passion within our relationship, and that we would enjoy pursuing each other and connecting in a way that reflects the kind of relationship that God wants to have with us. There’s lots of things that can get in the way of that. If we’re not experiencing that kind of connection, in any area of our life, then we’re not fully enjoying what God has designed for us to be able to enjoy.

Overcoming Obstacles to Connection and Desire in Marriage

And so, there’s a need for us to identify the obstacles that are getting in the way of that, and to be able to pursue that within our relationship, which includes the romantic connective aspect of our relationship. Being able to have a conversation with our husband about the disconnect that we’re feeling in that area, and being able to work through those things so that we can enjoy the time that we have together, is important. We want to have a dynamic where we feel pursued and we are able to pursue, initiate, respond, and connect in ways that feel mutually enjoyable and positive, that are fun, playful, and passionate for both of us. This really helps to cultivate that connection, enabling us to enjoy a romantic relationship even if we don’t perfectly conform to the societal norms for beauty.

That’s the foundation for a starting place, but not the foundation for enjoying a romantic relationship. So those would be the questions that I would pose to you and encourage you to pursue, as you look to work through this in your relationship.


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