Marriage: How to Rebuild Attraction

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Posted: January 21, 2020

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

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How to Rebuild Attraction in Marriage by Josh Spurlock

Samantha says, “If I don’t have an attraction for my spouse, are we doomed for divorce? Or, can we cultivate an attraction with our spouse?”

Read more to find out what Josh Spurlock, Counselor & Sex Therapist, says about losing attraction in marriage, and how to troubleshoot what is getting in the way, so that you can rebuild attraction to your spouse.


Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.


That’s an important question, because there are times in marriage that we can lose our attraction or connection with our spouse; Whether or not we can regain that can be a scary subject.


But the good news is that we can understand why we don’t have an attraction to our spouse, and troubleshoot: What’s going on there; What is getting in the way; Why was that not there to begin with; Why did we lose that over the course of the relationship.


The steps that we can take to rebuild or cultivate that attraction will vary depending on why it is that we lost that attraction to begin with. Attraction is multifaceted, including physical, emotional, and intellectual attraction. So, we want to see where the block is at, and what we can do to cultivate positive experiences on those different attribute points, so that we can regain that attraction that we once had, or build something that was maybe never really strong to begin with, into something that’s passionate, vibrant and enjoyable.

Thanks for the question, Samantha. If you have a question that you want to be answered by one of our counselors, submit it here!

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This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

About the Author
Josh Spurlock
Josh Spurlock

Josh Spurlock MA, LPC, CST, has a BA in Biblical Languages and a Masters in Counseling. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), holding licenses in MissouriColorado, and Florida. He is also a Certified Sex Therapist (CST), Level 2 AEDP Therapist, and an Ordained Minister. He is an Advanced Practice Clinician, with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. He specializes in Marriage Counseling, Sex Therapy, Family Counseling, and works with Executives, Pastors, Business Owners, and Ministry Leaders. Learn more about Josh Spurlock at

Josh is currently unable to take on any new clients.

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