How to Rebuild Attraction in Marriage | #MyCounselorSays


Samantha says, “If I don’t have an attraction for my spouse, are we doomed for divorce? Or, can we cultivate an attraction with our spouse?”

Read more to find out what Josh Spurlock, Counselor & Sex Therapist, says about losing attraction in marriage, and how to troubleshoot what is getting in the way, so that you can rebuild attraction to your spouse.

About the Author

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapists with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. Josh specializes in Marriage Counseling and Sex Therapy. You can schedule an appointment with Josh for online counseling.

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Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)


Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

Josh Spurlock on Losing Attraction to Your Spouse

That’s an important question, because there are times in marriage that we can lose our attraction or connection with our spouse; Whether or not we can regain that can be a scary subject.

Troubleshooting What is Blocking Attraction

But the good news is that we can understand why we don’t have an attraction to our spouse, and troubleshoot: What’s going on there; What is getting in the way; Why was that not there to begin with; Why did we lose that over the course of the relationship.

Steps for Rebuilding Attraction to Your Spouse

The steps that we can take to rebuild or cultivate that attraction will vary depending on why it is that we lost that attraction to begin with. Attraction is multifaceted, including physical, emotional, and intellectual attraction. So, we want to see where the block is at, and what we can do to cultivate positive experiences on those different attribute points, so that we can regain that attraction that we once had, or build something that was maybe never really strong to begin with, into something that’s passionate, vibrant and enjoyable.

Thanks for the question, Samantha.


Thank you so much for submitting that question!  We certainly love to answer your questions. If you have a question for yourself or a friend, you can submit it using our web page and then look for the answer in an upcoming edition of our weekly e-newsletter.

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