MyCounselor Says: Was I Groomed?

Josh Spurlock

Question asked for Sam


How do I know if I was emotionally and sexually abused/groomed? I feel like I was pushed into a lot I wasn’t comfortable with by my ex.

Answer by: Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)


Welcome to my counselor online. I’m Cassie and this is MyCounselor Says. That’s where you submit your questions and I tracked down one of our awesome therapists and get them to answer your question. Let’s go find out what MyCounselor Says.


Josh Spurlock here from my counselor online answering Sam’s question. How do I know if I was emotionally and or sexually abused or groomed.

Feel like I was pushed into a lot. I wasn’t comfortable with by my x

Let’s start by saying that in a loving relationship and a respectful relationship. WE DON’T PRESSURE each other to do things that we don’t feel comfortable with.

In anytime you’re in a relationship dynamic where the other person is more interested in what they want and what they desire and what They believe feels good to them, then how you experienced that. That’s a warning sign an indicator that it’s an unhealthy relationship dynamic

Now the in terms of grooming you oftentimes are not going to be able to notice or see grooming.

When you’re in the midst of it because of the emotional dynamics that are part of it.

gremlin is typically something that is recognized or seen by somebody who’s outside of the situation that can see how the emotional attachment or needs that you have

Are allowing yourself to be manipulated in situations that are not good for you in that are exploited in nature.

That is that they meet the desires of this party of the other person at your expense and so

The best way to sort through rather not. There’s a grooming dynamic is really going to come from the observations of those around you.

Which is why it’s so important in healthy life and relationship that you have people in your life who can

Observe you observe the relationships that you’re in, in whom you’re able to hear from what it is they’re seeing that maybe you’re not seeing because we all have blind spots. We all have things

That we’re unaware of and having healthy people in our life help keep us safe and allow us to identify when maybe there’s some unhealthy dynamics that we’re getting ourselves involved in


Well, thank you Josh for answering this question and Sam thanks for your question. And if you have a question you can ask one of our awesome therapists by submitting your question on our website. We’ll get your question answered and post the answer in an upcoming edition of our weekly e-newsletter and on this webpage.

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