MyCounselor Says: Orgasms without a Vibrator?

Josh Spurlock

Question asked for Shelly

Question: 

“Is it possible for women who have only had an orgasm with a vibrator to have one during intercourse? How can one work on this?”

Answer by: Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)

Cassie

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and today one of our awesome counselors is going to answer your question. So let’s go find out what MyCounselor Says.

Josh

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Josh Spurlock and today I’m answering a question from Shelly. Shelly wants to know, is it possible for a woman who’s only had an orgasm with a vibrator to have one during intercourse, and how can you work on this?

The answer that question is, yes, that if you’re able to experience orgasms, you can work towards experiencing orgasms through a vaginal intercourse.

The Science of Orgasm

Now we need to understand the anatomy of orgasms and that probably both vaginal orgasms, as well as clitoral orgasms are both products of the clitoris. The clitoris sinks back into the body and is going to have a wishbone shape that wraps around the vaginal opening and anchors into the pubic structures there. And so, orgasms during intercourse and orgasms through intercourse, it’s likely that what’s being stimulated is still the clitoris in the course of that, just by another route that’s generating the orgasm.

So there’s a few different ways in which you can approach working towards that, if that’s a goal that you have. One is to begin working towards orgasm without using the vibrator.

The sensations that you experience through intercourse are going to be a different kind of stimulation, both in duration and intensity than a vibrator. And so if you’re exclusively using a vibrator and have only been orgasmic using a vibrator, going straight from that to a vaginal orgasm is probably not going to be very successful.

Option 1

But one way that you can work towards that is if you’re able to learn how to be orgasmic without the vibrator using digital simulation.

You’re going to learn your body and the sensations that you need to build that sexual tension to orgasm in a way that’s going to facilitate you being able to build to a high level of arousal close to orgasm before intercourse, and then engage in intercourse, in order to push over that threshold triggering the reflex of orgasm.

Another Option to Try

Another route that you could try would be to use the vibrator and bring yourself to a high level of arousal and then before crossing that threshold of orgasm to transition to intercourse is if you’re able to move past up past the threshold, sometimes in working away there. You can experiment with actually with a penis inserted into the vagina.

Stimulate to orgasm and then engage in thrusting in order to associate the two together, and then back the timeline up a little bit to where we start thrusting just before you know that orgasmic release and and allow that stimulation to push one over the threshold orgasm and then the keep backing that up until you’re able to build the arousal more and have the vaginal orgasm, apart from any stimulation with the vibrator.

So that would be a course that you could experiment with and try. You can certainly connect with a sex therapist to troubleshoot other things that could be getting in the way, or ways to reach that so hope that’s helpful to you, feel free to reach out to us if you could use some more help.

Cassie

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