MyCounselor Says: Low T + ED = Selfish?

Josh Spurlock


“My hubby is 34, has low testosterone and ED (Erectile Dysfunction). He’s also very selfish in bed. He skips foreplay completely. Is this related or is this a different issue?”

Read more to find out what relationship expert Josh Spurlock has to say!

About the Author

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapists with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. Josh specializes in Marriage Counseling and Sex Therapy. You can schedule an appointment with Josh for online counseling.

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)


Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

Josh Spurlock on Desire Differences

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Josh Spurlock and this is “Asking for a Friend.” Today we’re answering Audrey’s question. Audrey says, My hubby is 34 has low testosterone and ED (Erectile Dysfunction). He’s also very selfish in bed skips foreplay completely.” Audrey wants to know whether or not these are related issues or if they’re different issues.

Well, it Might Be Related to Low Testosterone or ED…

Well Audrey, they could be related. And they could be completely separate issues. Sometimes when guys are experiencing a low sexual desire or erectile difficulties or other sexual difficulties, the whole sexual experience can create anxiety for them and this fear of failure. And have all sorts of angst tied up around it which can lead them to want to rush through the experience and kind of get it over with in order to escape the uncomfortable anxious feelings that come along with sexual encounter a sexual experience.

So it could be related to this, but it could also be completely separate issue.

Or it Might NOT Be Related to Low Testosterone or ED…

That our, our character in if we’re selfish within our personality in the way we handle other aspects of our relationship that very much can carry through into the bedroom and being very selfish and self-centered in the bedroom. And so there’s a lack of care or attention to, or attunement to a wife and what it is that she has need of, making it really more about him as opposed to a mutual experience that’s fulfilling and enjoyable for you both, and that you both look forward to.

So there’s more information needed to know which is the case, but it certainly could be either.


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MyCounselor Says: I Want More Sex than HimMyCounselor Says: I Want More Sex than Him