When we, as women, hear the phrase, “wives, submit”, we cringe. We, in our women empowerment movement, twitch and our skin crawls at the idea of ‘submitting’ to someone else – especially when that someone else is supposed to be our partner!

We are strong, we are capable, we are able to accomplish whatever it may be that is before us. We don’t need to submit to our spouse. This whole idea of submission is so outdated. Past tense. “Old Testament” if you will.
We are, if nothing else, a team. EqualsPrecisely.

Girls, that is EXACTLY what God had in mind when he created us. To be a part of a team with our spouse. That is God’s heart for our marriages. Within that system, God has called us women to godly submission to our husbands, just as God has called husbands to love their wives.

What Submission is not:

Let’s get this out of the way real quick.
Submitting to your spouse is NOT:

  • Allowing him to lord over you like an untamed dictator.
  • Having your strings pulled by your spouse for compliance.
  • The idea of submission is not to every man – your spouse only.
  • Does not and should not produce lop-sided relationships.
  • A dig nor is it a blow to your integrity.

What Submission is:

Conceding to the idea of your husband being a leader in the home

What?!? Didn’t we just establish that this was not going to be the case? Hang on, ladies. This is different than your husband being the boss over you. This is allowing your husband to lead the home as God leads him. If you think about it, it’s a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. This shows up typically in major decisions for the family:

  • Large purchases
  • Family decisions
  • Job decisions
  • Family concerns

Wives, you should still absolutely be a part of the discussions!! Your voice matters and it is valid. Remember though, just because you go through this, doesn’t mean you two will always agree. Coming to the same conclusion is not the goal here. But learning to trust your husband beyond what you can see is the idea of submission. This speaks loud volumes of love to your husband. It says “I trust you enough to support you in this decision in leading our family.” It’s exactly what Jesus wants us to do with him.

Submission builds confidence

When we submit to our husband, confidence is built. It’s built in our spouse when he sees how we trust him. We become more confident in our marriage as it becomes a place of trust and safety. We become more confident in our relationship with Jesus as He is ultimately the one we submit to and by submitting to our spouse, we are indeed, submitting to our God.

We become more confident in ourselves as we look to submit and serve our spouse. Confident in our ability to not only survive but thrive in an environment where we are not completely in control but instead relinquishing leadership to our spouse.

Submission builds trust

When we are committed to submitting to our husbands, it speaks loud volumes that we trust him. We are trusting him to make the best decision for our marriage and our family. Remember though, submission does not demand perfection.

Just because we are trusting our husbands to make the best decisions, doesn’t mean he’ll never make a mistake. He’s not God. He’s only human. And when we continue to submit to him, to trust our spouse, our lives yell, “I trust you have our best interest in mind!” This leaves our husbands with confidence to try again.

Submission creates an environment of security for children

When we willingly and joyfully submit to our husbands, we show our children in word and in deed that it’s ok to trust daddy. That dad’s best intentions are for the well-being of our family. A standard is created for them to carry into their own relationship someday. One in which the girls will look for a leader in a spouse and the boys will be a leader in their home.

The idea of ‘submitting’ to our spouse is scary. The very word make most cringe. It is scary to trust someone else. To trust that they have the best intentions for our family. Sometimes it doesn’t always feel this way – but that’s ok. We are not called by God to demand perfection from our spouse.

We are called to trust our spouse’s leadership with an understanding that he’s human and will make mistakes. Love him by being gracious and finding the best in the situation. Hopefully it can be something that you’ll both laugh at in the future!

For further growth in this area, check out Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

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