Question:
Adam says, “My fiance went further in a prior relationship than I had been led to believe. She didn’t cheat, but thoughts haunt me, and I obsess over the details.”
Read more to find out what Licensed Counselor Leslie Bashioum says about how to heal broken trust in a relationship.
About the Author
This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and fact-checked by experts.
Leslie Bashioum, MA, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in marriage counseling, family therapy, and anxiety & depression in women. She sees clients online and in-person at our Springfield, Missouri counseling center.
Video Transcript
(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)
Tori
Welcome to MyCounselor Online. I’m Tori, and this is Asking for a Friend. In this video, we’re sitting down with Licensed Theraplist Leslie Bashioum to answer one of your questions about a partner going further in a previous relationship, and how to handle everything that comes with that. Stay tuned.
Leslie Bashioum on Broken Trust in a Relationship
It would be important to understand some more details surrounding this particular situation. But generally speaking, trust and safety are foundational in any relationship. And in order for any relationship to succeed, you must be able to trust each other.
When Broken Trust Fractures a Relationship
God created us for connection. We are all wired to need close connection with others, especially our spouse. So when hurt has occurred in the relationship, it creates distance, which then undermines the connection that we have in our relationship, resulting in significant pain.
And so, it is really normal that you would experience strong emotions or distressing thoughts when there’s been a breach to the trust and safety within your relationship.
Repairing Trust After it’s Been Broken
When there’s been a breakdown, we must take the steps to repair it. Oftentimes, what this looks like is creating a safe space to be able to communicate what it is we are feeling and experiencing.
This includes creating the space to listen to our spouse or significant other without judgment, and having a willingness to work through the wounds, towards forgiveness. This also includes making a commitment to working on communication with our spouse or significant other, which is going to safeguard us around things like this occurring in the future.
Because our emotions are so complex, situations like this can oftentimes be easier to navigate with the help of a counselor.
Thank you so much for your question, and I hope that you found this information to be helpful.
Tori
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