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Why Women’s Sex Drive Declines After Marriage

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST

Why don’t I want sex anymore?

I used to get horny. Before marriage or early in our relationship I would think about sex and want sexual touch/intimacy. Sometime after marriage or the relationship settling-in that seemed to decrease and now is maybe a fleeting thought once a month or so if ever. Why is that?

Where did the horny go?

Early in a relationship, there are a variety of circumstances that can supercharge a woman’s sexual arousal. 

Youthful hormones

Women hit their sex hormone peak in their late teens to mid-twenties. This hormonal high watermark serves to intensify the frequency of sexual thoughts and drive. 

Feeling Sexy

Female sexual desire is closely related to how sexy a woman feels. It’s likely as a single woman you were more intentional about exercise, fashion, underwear selection, make-up, and flirty behavior as you thought more about impressing the opposite sex. These things made you feel sexy, which in turn increased your sexual arousal. 

More Time

As a single person, you generally have more time to focus on the things that make you feel sexy and to take care of yourself in ways that counteract stress and fatigue. The additional confidence and energy you have as a result give your body what it needs to experience arousal. 

Relationship Excitement

Being love drunk in a new relationship is super exciting. The intense amount of time you spend thinking about and connecting with your new love means a high degree of emotional connectedness. The excitement of the new also creates a surge of adrenaline when around your love that mixes with sex hormones to electrify your body.  It’s also likely that your partner is more attentive to you during this time, which fuels the fire.

Married Life

Once settled into married life, especially after children come along, many of these things change. Our sex hormones begin to decline, we become less focused on impressing our man, our body changes with age and pregnancies, we’re increasingly busy, and nurturing our relationship can move to the back burner. The arousal superchargers for single women can also hide underlying sexual problems that are bound to appear once the hormonal high tide recedes. All of these are contributors to reasons why married women don’t want sex. 

Keep the Fire Alive

What once came effortlessly takes intentional focus to sustain across a lifetime. As you and your relationship mature you’ll need to address common barriers to sexual desire that most women face. They can definitely be addressed, but they probably won’t fix themselves. 
Learn more with this article: Top 10 Reasons Married Women Don’t Want Sex

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Christian Sex TherapistTop 10 Reasons Married Women Don't Want Sex