Asking For A Friend: Nick has lost many friends in the past years…

Josh Spurlock

Asking For A Friend | Nick from Memphis, TN | MyCounselor Online

Watch this video on YouTube.

Questioned asked for Nick in Memphis, TN 

Question: 

Nick has lost many friends in the past years due to them choosing to spend their time elsewhere. His small childhood church is also on a decline and few folks attend who are his age. He is stressed at his job despite the blessings it has been for his family. Nick wants to move from his childhood town and try something new, but he is not sure it is the right decision. He has a wife and two small children. Should he move them away from family for his happiness?

Answer by: Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST

Video Transcript

(Transcript is generated by a software and may have discrepancies from the video.)

Cassie

Welcome to my counselor online. I’m Cassie and this is Asking for our friend, that’s where you submit your questions and I tracked down one of our awesome therapists and get them to answer your question, so today I have Josh with me. Josh, thanks for meeting with me.

And our question comes from Nick. Well, I think it comes from somebody for Nick and Nick is lost many friends in the past due to them, choosing to spend their time elsewhere.

His small childhood Church has been on the decline and new folks rarely attend who are his age.

He’s stressing this job, despite the blessing and has been for his family. He wants to move away from his childhood town and try something new.

But he’s not sure it’s the right decision he has a wife and two small children should you move them away from family for his happiness, Josh. What do you want to say to me.

Josh

Well, I want to say thanks Nick for submitting your question or whomever cares about neck that’s submit this question on his behalf.

And say, this is one of those tough situations in life where there’s not a clear answer. There’s not a definitive yes or no do this, don’t do this.

And not really like a wide stick that you can use to determine what’s the absolute right course of action. And so when I’m walking with somebody through a situation like this, there’s a few things that I want to

Spread out on the table because this process has lots of moving parts, the situation as lots of moving parts. And if you don’t think through all the different pieces.

Then you find yourself in a worse situation than you were before, right, which is part of the analysis paralysis that can sit in and causes just not make a decision at all.

Even though it’s not going well. We’re not feeling good about our life or situation. So the first thing that I’ve been a spread out is

To save it a new destination isn’t necessarily going to change your situation that sometimes we think if I just get away from here and I get someplace else, things will be better in a different location.

But unlike the airport’s our baggage only shows up at our new destination and we get there in sometimes find that in a matter of time or right back in the same situation. We weren’t

That maybe, maybe it wasn’t completely the environment that we were in. But instead, some stuff that’s going on inside of us.

That is creating some of our situation and circumstances. And so we want to be careful not to put all of our hope and just changing our situation, our circumstances.

Usually what I encourage folks to do is figure out how to be happy where you’re at.

And from that standpoint, from that place of strength decided rather not. You want to go someplace else that because relocating moving someplace else may be the best option for you and for your family.

But if you’re hanging your happiness or your hope for happiness on relocating to the different location. More times than not, people find themselves disappointed by that.

A better route is figure out how do I find happiness, where it is that I’m ad and know how to cultivate that in my life. And from that place of strength.

Be able to decide where do I want to go where with the Lord. Take me where what would the Lord have for me. And so that that’s

Something that I commonly encourage clients and and then we talked through have to also understand that as a married person and with kiddos there’s other people involved in the dynamic

And it can be really detrimental to drag a family through a significant change like that in the pursuit of one’s happiness, especially if when you get wherever it is, you’re going, you’re not actually happy.

I see that in my office at times. And there’s a lot of marital stress and distress that comes from that. And so you want to be careful not to go that route.

But it can be really helpful to connect with a counselor in a situation like this, because all of the people in our life have a

Dog in the hunt. They’ve got some sort of vested interests and their own

Impact in their life that’s going to come of this decision. And so it’s difficult to just have a place where you can process out loud all the different moving pieces all the different thoughts without having to worry about how

Those thoughts are going to trigger fears and others, and maybe cause them to feel anxious and get stirred up by talking with a counselor.

They don’t have a dog in the hunt. They don’t have any bias or interests, one way or the other.

They don’t presume to know what it is, God would have for you, but instead are going to help you help

Ask the important questions that need to be thought through and help you think through how you go about answering those questions to make sure that you

Are not just deceiving yourself will in yourself, talking to yourself in the things that you want to believe

To be true that maybe just aren’t and to make sure that you don’t really damage the important relationships in your life trying to find a solution that may or may not be a real solution for you.

So I’m glad that you’re asking these questions. I’m glad that you’re are glad that Nick is

Looking for some help in the situation and I really encourage you to connect with somebody that can sort through these questions with you. Who’s going to give you the space to do so without stress or pressure

Cassie

Yeah, that’s great, Josh. Thank you for answering this question and Nick. Thanks for or whoever for submitting this question on next behalf and

Hopefully that was helpful to you. And if you have a question you can ask one of our awesome therapist by submitting your question to are asking for a friend page, then I will track them down.

Have a an online meeting with them like this and we will post that up on her. Asking for a friend page as well as an upcoming edition of our weekly e newsletter. So you can look for it there.

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